Pregnancy, Parenthood, and Executive Functioning
On July 14, 2022 my husband and I had our first child, a beautiful baby girl, and it was truly the best birthday gift we’ve ever received… No really she was our birthday gift because my birthday is July 16th and my husband’s is July 19th. We’ve been soaking up all of those newborn snuggles this summer as we get to know her and get to know ourselves in this new role as parents. It has been a really special time and I’m so grateful to all of you for being so patient as I find my way back to “my first baby” Cape-able consulting.
When I told some of my clients and potential clients that I was pregnant they were all very excited for me and many of them even said. “Alex, I’m so glad you are doing this, because I want to learn how you manage your learning disabilities and ADHD as a parent”. It made me laugh because I basically said the same thing to my therapist when she had a baby 6 months before me. So let me share some words of wisdom from pregnancy, parenthood and all the executive functioning tasks that can be so daunting.
Getting pregnant and coming into parenthood was not an easy task for us, as I faced a number of complications throughout the process. It required way more strength and brainpower than I ever thought possible all while I was in my first year of business. But with that said, my advice begins the way my coaching sessions begins. This was my story and you have your own. The same goes for my dyslexia and ADHD diagnosis vs your diagnosis with your ADHD and/or learning disabilities. We all have our own unique stories and journeys. No matter what obstacles I have had to face with my pregnancy, parenthood and executive functioning, how I managed might be different than how you would manage and that is ok.
So my advice will follow my coaching philosophy of best principles vs. best practices (https://www.instagram.com/p/CeWIsJxMcOO/).
Top 5 pieces of advice:
Change is really hard. It’s ok to be scared, overwhelmed, and exhausted by it. So lean into it and ask for help. If you can take even 10 mins to regroup by going outside, taking a shower, getting a cup of coffee, really anything that gives you the feeling of normalcy, it will help you make the transition a little easier.
There is no such thing as perfection so stop looking for it. This is all new and you would never expect your child to do something perfectly if they never did it before, so you shouldn’t expect yourself to know what to do either.
There are a lot of things to track not only for your child but for yourself, so use tools that can help you keep it all together. Tools help you not need to rely on your memory, because if you are tired (which you likely would be) it’s overwhelming to manage. Tools don’t have to be that complicated. You can leave a checklist on the door (wallet, keys, cellphone, masks, diaper bag, water bottle, bottle for the baby, etc.), talk to Alexa/google home to help you track feeds and make a list for you, or one of the many, many parenting apps (We love glow baby).
Remove the phrase “supposed to” from your vocabulary because you are not supposed to know how to do everything. The first time I changed my daughters diaper I did it backwards (hello sleep deprived). And people told me I was “supposed” to get her on a very regimented schedule ASAP so she could sleep train. She was a week old at the time…there was no schedule. You need to find what works for you and your family and it will likely look different. There is enough judgment out there so your space should feel like a judgment-free zone for you.
Set realistic expectations. The goal and the expectations are surviving not thriving. If your home is a mess, you have laundry to do, you forgot to eat, you left the house without the diaper bag, or you forgot to put the top on tightly to the bottle so you spilled milk all over you and your child (yes I really did do that at 3 am and we both survived) it will all be ok. Pick one thing to focus on for that day you can accomplish and build from there.
All in all. Be kind to yourself. And ask your self what are you taking away from this article? Where can you go easier on yourself? What tool would you like to add to your routine this week?
I am now back and ready to remind you all that you are cape-able of. So book your free 30-minute declutter your mind session.
